Chapter 3 Crossing the Void
I once crossed an abyss. After hitting the floor from a diabetic attack, I left my body. I rose and viewed my body from above. Four beings - tall and stark beings, great beings – surrounded my body. One rested her hands firmly on my heart and I knew she did this to keep my body alive. A cobra curled upward from her forehead. She said her name was Nephretiti and that she’d keep my body alive. She and the unrecognized others ensured my body’s safety while I was going on an unknown journey.
Then, I turned. Quickly and starkly the scenery changed. I was in a neutral space, void of feeling and thought. I was aware of my body lying on the floor and of the souls saving it, but I was on my way somewhere else.
I paused in an awareness of what had just happened, wondering if I should be worried. Yet, worry was not acceptable in this neutral space. Moments before I had been freed through my navel. Lying on the floor, shaking, exhausted, terrified, and half-unconscious, I noticed my body had become threads of light. The light threads lined my skin, my muscles, and my organs and were especially immense around my heart and stomach. Then, in one breath, with my consciousness swirling, like a sweater unraveling at a pull of a string, I came undone. Something unknown tugged at a string within my navel and bit by bit my sweater was off; I was out of my skin. From feet to head and back down to heart, leaving a small coiled piece in my lower abdomen, the light threads unraveled and caught me off-guard. Poof. I was free. An awesome Source tugged at me. Out I went, pulled by something greater than myself. I wanted to go.
Once separated from my body and those four great souls, another soul appeared. A bear. My bear. He was the largest bear I had ever seen and his immenseness was a harness protecting me as I moved. My brain had never recognized him as a spirit guide; but in death, I realized I had known him all along. I now call him Bear.
He must have known what would happen next because he hovered over me, enveloping me in his protective cave. This moment meant my life. I felt that from him. I wondered why I hadn’t asked him directly for protection while alive. Yet, at this moment, I did not need to ask because what was about to happen was so vital to my understanding and existence that he was present to do his duty.
The world was gray. I knew not where I was. I was covered and drowning in a grayness that kept me from my true self. I was enveloped in shadow. There was very little light because a thick blanket covered me. I spent some moments trying to see through the grayness. I had a moment of trepidation but Bear explained that this experience was of dire importance to my understanding and he would protect me through it.
I peered through the blanket. I didn’t like what I saw. From within the gray mist, faces emerged. A realization welled up from inside of me - I was in a shadowland of human consciousness. Faces cracked through even more and some were demonic-looking. Each face had been created unconsciously by me not loving myself fully. All of them. My demons had been created out of a lack of self-love. They were there, surrounding me; yet, they were not me and they were not something created by my Creator. They had been created by my power to create.
I was overwhelmingly at peace because I was completely protected. My protector had always been around me and was larger than my self-created demons. And yet, I had been living my life from the consciousness of the falseness. At that moment I felt safe enough to face the faces. It had to happen. It had paramount importance.
Bear explained the way to dissolve the false demons was by staring them in the eyes. He said, “Look straight into their eyes and they will dissolve, Michelle.” This staring, from my soul, from my truth, from the essence of who I am, dissolved the faces, but only after I recognized every one of them.
The next swelling of information that overflowed from an inner knowing was that my life’s painful circumstances were me looking my demons in the eye.
So, as Bear instructed, I faced them, one by one. One looked like a small crocodile and he vehemently tried to fend me off by whipping his scaly tale at me. He was the biggest of the lot and I could see my pain in him, the pain I held onto from failed love relationships.
Thankfully, the others were smaller, less scaly, and had nothing to fight me off with. Yet, within their eyes, I saw the moments that I had created them – each moment of giving myself away to the world of lies, to men who unconsciously only wished to take energy from women.
I thought that I loved myself. I always joyfully helped others and had pride in so many accomplishments in life. Bullshit. I was helping others, giving myself away, in hopes of healing my inner wound. That wound created many hurtful circumstances and manifested as those faces. Seeing that I had been acting from inner pain and not an inner truth, I no longer would accept these creations. One by one they dissolved. Poof.
As the faces dissipated, revelations erupted through my consciousness. My home, relationships, money, work, friendships, and even down to my clothing had been affected by these false demons. You name it and they were draining my life. A part of me had always known this, perhaps the part of me that was awake during dreaming. Allowing this consciousness to be around me granted it access into the depths of everything around me.
These energies are a part of the human condition and are energetic manifestations of human fear. They drain humanity and they misguide individuals who are tapped into fear-based consciousness. A feeling of gratitude came in this neutral space and I immediately understood how important gratitude is. Gratitude is knowing that we exist in beauty and bounty and is an energy that lifts the thick blanket. Lasting freedom comes from re-establishing the consciousness toward this bounty and beauty because it expands us beyond a field of fear.
I kept moving with my protector. We didn’t move linearly, as there is no linearity in the spirit realm. We expanded and this felt like moving on to new realms. My blanket had been lifted, I had escaped the grayness and viewed humanity in the same way that I had earlier viewed my body prone on the floor.
The grayness in which I had just escaped, wasn’t just my grayness. It was a collective consciousness. A shadow hung like dew on an olive branch around 95% of humanity. I had previously called this plane the astral plane. Carl Jung called it the field of thought-forms.
Fear-based beliefs tap into the shadowland that had already been created by human consciousness. Our fears talk directly to those faces. Pain and hopelessness make the blanket thicker and they feed those faces! The faces need food and they can only get it from us – their Creators. They drain us of our potential. However, relinquishing fear detaches the energy cords to this astral plane. Once detached, our original power breaks through, the blanket is off, and our soul power comes back into our human consciousness so we are energized in every way. This understanding swept through my being in a flash. Then, I moved on.
I had a moment of wondering about what would happen to Michelle’s body lying on that floor. I started to lose connection to her. I saw my accumulation of knowledge from a myriad of lifetimes. I saw that almost everyone had their unique accumulation of information to lead a spectacular life. And I saw that they were hiding this beauty underneath that same cover of darkness in which I had just become free.
I was flying free and chose to be even freer by moving farther from the identity lying on the floor. My protector moved with me as I moved through higher Earthly dimensions. Gold Light radiated from small pockets of the Earth and was emitted spectacularly by praying monks. The Himalayas held the greatest accumulation of this Gold Light. Prayer, love, and humility burst forth from these small corners of the Earth and my soul stopped to recognize it. Prayers were golden symbols radiating through the earth’s web and because prayer was golden, they reached the universe. Prayers contained Light and sound. Every heart-centered prayer being sent forth came into my awareness and I was present in each of these prayers, coming from a multitude of earthly spaces, all at once. The prayers did not hold worry, begging, or pleading, but a uniting with Source; and thus, these prayers were emitted by only small pockets of people on Earth.
Those prayers keep humanity alive, for without them we’d be consumed by the shadow.
Next, if there can be a next in the spirit realm, the names of God were called out and some of those names emitted the same Gold Light, most specifically the Hebrew names. Other prayers spread out through the eternal space before me, of languages unknown to me.
I wanted to go further as I was now truly free. My protector said that it was my choice but that he could not continue with me because I was moving past the energies of the Earth, an Earth he was bound to in his duty as Protector.
At that moment, everything flashed. I expanded beyond the realm of my soul. I was in Spirit. I was always more than just a soul; I was Spirit. I now knew. I now understood. I expanded to the eternal ends of the universe. I was one with the Source of all. Everyone is one with Source. I saw it; I experienced it.
First, we are Spirit. We are boundless. Every spirit is unique; and yet, we are all one. This concept is not recognizable by the linear mind, as it is our minds that allow us to recognize our individuality contained in a limited possibility. And it is our minds that keep us safe in the third dimension part of our reality.
Aware of every soul in existence, and expanded across a realm unknown in space and time, I existed without a word to describe the meaning of “Everything”. Everything and I do mean everything, rests inside of our spirits. The earth is inside of us. Our bodies are inside of us. The planets, the stars, ideas, plants, and animals are inside of us. All consciousness is inside of our spirits. And those stars and planets are pure consciousness of specific kinds. They are not physical; they are spaces of consciousness. They are individualized essences of Source, as we all are, just wanting to be born.
Imagine a space that is merely an idea - an idea of love or abundance or creative powers or beauty. That space, that idea, is a multitude of souls expressing that idea. That space of consciousness appears to us as a planet or a star. And sometimes, it gets born on Earth as one of us. Ideas are not solid, as neither are planets or stars. Planets and stars are also expanding, and they are expanding forth as even grander ideas. Certain souls are expressing certain ideas. So as a collection of souls is experiencing the idea of beauty, so is there a collection of souls expanding the idea of evolution. As these ideas are expanding and we experience them as moving across the galaxy as planets and stars, they are expanding inside of us, within our spirits. An astrological game is not being played outside of us. Instead, the consciousness of the stars and planets are moving through our spirits to be expressed.
Before this journey across the void, I firmly disbelieved in astrology. When I returned, I had many apologies to hand out to many of my friends.
So, I had reached a place to see the Oneness where no thought or idea exists, everything just is and can be given no other name than Nameless. I believe this is what religions named God. The aspect in which there exists consciousness across infinity I call Spirit. I call the will of the Spirit that is born from consciousness Source because it is the source of our lives and it is the source that allows us to use our consciousness for further creation. I call the waves of information coming from Source, Light. And now regarding the palpable scale, I call the aspect of a spirit participating in human consciousness the soul. Each soul is expanding and making their creations through experiencing their creations out of a will, an idea. That aspect that has gained lifetimes of wisdom I call the Higher Self, and each Higher Self is a multitude of souls, wisdom, and ideas.
Imagine that at some points in your life, the energies of Venus and beauty are relevant because that is what is moving through your soul to be witnessed and to be born, and at other times it is the concept of study and thinking because Mercury is merely a consciousness being born through you. Imagine that at the moment of your birth, all of the ideas (planets) were in exactly the right place to give you all that you need. The exact placements will never happen again because the Universe is expanding. Their exact placements of an infinite amount of ‘ideas’ gave birth to you and you were given all of that power to birth a unique and amazing being called the real you.
Creation is a blossoming of Source and the essence of a unique blend of consciousness just simply unfolds as individuals.
Where do we look for guidance on this path called life? The Higher Self is always guiding us. It is the greatest guide we have and we can know it by cleaning up our individual vibrations. Life often forces us to work on energetic imprints by showing us exactly what we don’t want, yet what we are creating. This often creates enough internal desire to get us moving toward creating the good. If everything is inside of us, why would we choose the sad vibrations over the happy ones? The answer to this was clear in my next leap before returning home.
Aware that my Spirit is boundless, I realized that I could call upon any essence of the Universe to experience a part of myself, as everything is inside of me. I get to choose the essence that is born through me. In less than an instant, I chose to go to my Higher Self. I left the field of the Nameless to a focused part of my consciousness that I had been yearning to experience.
In a flash, I stood with a galaxy of evolved souls. Inexhaustible knowledge came to me. For the sake of brevity, I will focus on the topic that can change lives. Every possibility lies inside my Spirit. I had a choice at that moment, and I have a choice today. At that moment I focused on that place that would give me the greatest amount of wisdom, my Higher Self. And it was in this place that I met beings who were the embodiment of love, a state that you and I are attaining through the paths that we have chosen. And, it is a state that can be attained by the long path of suffering or by the instantaneous choice of gratitude.
It is important here because too much ‘naming’, too much mental chatter, and judgments name our circumstances and put manifesting the named into motion. For instance, a lack of self-love or a lack of self-worth goes against the nameless, against our Divine Order; and yet, as co-creators, as we believe in lack it is created by us. It is through this space that the astral body around an individual, the astral plane around the earth, and the ‘demons’ are created. Relinquish naming that which does not sustain the real you, that which does not sustain your soul.
Spirit reaches into every corner of the universe and beyond and is aware of all. The human choice comes down to us accepting this freedom and Light or transforming truth into fear. So far, 95% of us have chosen the latter, largely unconsciously.
Source is trying to blossom into life through each of us. Source blossomed at our births, but as our bodies continually change, so too does Source want to birth more of itself, which feels like change. When we allow this to occur we are in Divine Order. When we don’t allow this to occur, we are still reliant upon Divine Order to thrive; and therefore, life sends us whatever is needed to return to the balance of the original plan.
The beings with whom I stood, those beings as an embodiment of love, were Egyptian Gods. Anubis. Many, many beings that look identical to Anubis. I was him and her; they were me. We existed in a state of complete honor, a state the humans have ‘fallen’ from.
To honor is to honor another’s path and to honor their highest good. The sense of high honor at the end of my journey was so foreign to the human mind because it would not harm another in any way, shape, or form. The idea of harm does not exist in them; and therefore, it is almost impossible for them to come back to Earth. They don’t want to ‘fall’. Who would be there to lift them back up? It is our job to embody their consciousness if we want to master life and end suffering.
Their sense of honoring others grants no chance of an ‘accident’. They have attuned their bodies so greatly that they can sense when someone else is crossing their path. If their purposes are aligned they greet one another. If their purposes are not aligned, they are aware that they are about to cross paths, and with honor, they get out of each other’s way.
I also saw their partners who looked like what people call angels, all lit up from head to toe. These two groups were sending high vibrations to the Earth to help us tap into that great feeling, that great honor, and presence of our Source so that we would end suffering. Much of these energies are being sent through dolphins.
The high-vibration energies from Source, what many may call the will of God, are aspects of our original natures. Like the Golden Light emitted from the names of God, so too is your original nature, your name, as the song in your soul.
Our purpose today is to know that song, to come closer to the vibration of our particular song. You may feel that you have a strong purpose. That purpose gets you closer to your unique vibration. You may feel lost and without purpose; yet, you do have a purpose and it is the same as everyone. You are finding yourself within your journey and your journey may be showing up as challenges to get you inspired to align to yourself. That journey will feel like healing.